So much has happened

Wow, it has been a while since I've posted.  So much has happened since my birthday.  I won't go into all four months but if you look at the last post it says I found out I had to have surgery.  Well one evening in March my husband and I were eating dinner and my abdomen started hurting.  It wasn't bad at first but enough to notice it.  It progressively got worse so I told my husband I was going to go to the ER.  In Boise there are two hospitals.  I went to the one that my Doctor is associated with and I might as well have gone to the grocery store.  I came in and told the receptionist what was going on and in about a half an hour, approximately 8:00 the Doctor (if you could call him that) came in and asked me what was going on.  I hadn't gotten two words out of my mouth when his phone rang and he said he would be right back.  As he was walking out of the door he turned around and said "Do you want a shot?"  I looked at him and said "A shot of what, I haven't even told you what was wrong".  He said pain meds.  I said no.  He turned and walked away.  Approximately two hours later a lady came to get me for another ultra sound and found the cyst in my fallopian tube had gotten larger in 6 days.  She brought me back to the ER and after another couple of hours waiting the Doctor came in and said he consulted the OBGYN on call and they decided it was an emergency (because I didn't have health insurance I'm sure).  By that time I was in severe pain and I told him I was scared it was going to burst.  He made some kind of comment like well if you have surgery someone needs to pay the electric bill around here.  Then I said can I ask you something and he replied "Make it quick because people are coming in with heart attacks and strokes.  He was completely unaware that there was a nurse behind him shaking her head that that was not true.  So by this time it was about 2:00AM.  He sent me out of the door with a bottle of pain pills and said come back tomorrow. 

I couldn't believe it.  I felt like I was in the twilight zone.  Fortunately I have to pass by the other hospital on my way home and decided to stop for a second opinion.  I was brought straight back and the Doctor came in right away.  I told him my situation and within a few minutes an OBGYN was in the room examining me.  He called for the ultra sound results from the other hospital and after reviewing them they immediately started prepping me for surgery.  They didn't even put the IV in my arm until I was in the operating room. 

Once I woke up after surgery they said I had a cyst the size of a grapefruit in my fallopian tube which had covered my ovary also.  They also said it was on the verge of bursting and it was good that I stopped there for the second opinion. 

I filed a complaint against the Doctor at the first hospital and you can guess that they are doing the same as they did in the ER.  Avoiding me!  I haven't heard anything in a month.  They must think I am going to just let this go.  Well they have another thing coming.  It is not going to go away.  I will call them every day if I have to.  This was unacceptable and I am going to make sure this Doctor doesn't get away with treating me and probably others the way he did that night.

It's Friday

Even thought I don't work outside my home I still love the weekends.  I feel like it is a time to enjoy life and not think about what you have to do the next day or even the next hour.  I feel much more relaxed and do the things I've been putting off all week. 

I'm a bit scared.  I went to the Doctor and found out I need to have surgery.  It's not major, just an outpatient one, but anytime they put you to sleep that fear is always there.  I will find out next week when the surgery will be scheduled.  I hope it is soon because I don't like waiting.  I'd rather get it done as soon as possible.  The Doctor said it should be a quick recovery time, I hope he is right.  I don't want to be stuck in the bed for more than a few days.  I hope you guys will keep me in your thoughts and prayers. 

Well hopefully I don't go this long without posting again.  I just have so much going on in my life there aren't enough hours in the day to get it all done.  I am trying now to get more organized and take one thing at a time.  I got out my old folders and sorted through them to the correct folder and then decided which thing was most important to get done first and so on.  So doing it this way I don't feel as overwhelmed.  I can work on one project and if I don't finish it I know exactly where I left off and can start back the next day until it is finished. 

I have a stack of about 8 folders right now and I'm done working on one of them today.  I'm taking some me time and looking forward to tomorrow.  I hope more people will join and visit with me.  I'm feeling kind of odd writing to myself.  Oh well, it helps get things off of my mind.

Yesterday was one of those days that about half way through the day you wish you could push the rewind button and start the day over.  I had a Doctor's appointment at 10:00, I was running late so by the time I got there they said he had to leave and they would call if he was going to come back.  Now I have just driven almost 20 miles and decided I was not going to go back home and wait for their call so I went to a business to make a payment.  I walked in and there was a big sign that said no checks, debit or credit cards.  Well of course that was all I had.  The lady said there was an ATM downstairs and so off I go.  I get there put in my card and the ATM machine starting making a strange noise and a little paper came out and said the machine was out of order.  So, I had to go out to the car go to the ATM at the gas station and get the money out of another ATM and go back to the business to make my payment.

I needed to make some phone calls, but it would be hard to do in the car so my husband needed some items at a health food store so I called while I was there.  Then my phone rang and the Doctor was back in the office and I had just about the exact amount of time to get there.  So what started as a mess of a day worked out pretty good.  I didn't like hearing about the surgery, but at least I got to see him and find out what I had to do. 

I was exhausted and went to bed early last night.  Today has been slow, but I've gotten a lot of things done.  So it is time to say goodnight and hope you have a great tomorrow.

Today is only Wednesday, feels like Friday.  I have not stopped all week. I'm a bit upset that I made two unnecessary trips to Boise today which was approximately 80 miles.  I'm happy tomorrow I don't have to go anywhere.  I am going to stay home and get some very needed work done.  I've been so busy the last few weeks I haven't had a chance to do much work at all and that makes me anxious when I can't do what I need to do in a timely fashion.  It is going to be a short post tonight.  I'm going to bed early and try to catch up on some sleep.

Exhausted

I have never been this physically and mentally exhausted in my life.  It seems everything that can go wrong does and I have to figure out a way to fix the situation.  It would be so nice to get in the car and just drive to no where.  Just go until I can't go any longer.  The more I try to repair things they just seem to get worse, how is that possible.  I worry about everything and now I have ulcers.  I can't do this much longer.  I pray for God to come get me because I am just so tired. 

Another Day

I come here everyday thinking someone would join.  I would really like it if someone else would come and talk with me.  I think it would make it easier to post about my life.  I work from home so I don't have many people to talk with so please come on and join!  I didn't do much today.  I like to take Sundays to relax.  I worked for a while in the early afternoon, but just couldn't seem to get focused.  It is so hard to concentrate right now.  I have to force myself to think about what I'm doing.  I start looking at a page and think about something else.  Then I look at the clock and 10 to 15 minutes has passed.  Hopefully when I transition through these medications I will be able to focus again.  I'll be back tomorrow to see if anyone has joined.  Have a great night!

It's been a few days!

I haven't written in a few days because I've been having a very hard time.  Switching medications is horrible especially when trying to stop taking Klonopin.  What I would give to have never started taking that ?.  I don't want to call it medication because how can a medication have over 250 withdrawal symptoms.  What were they thinking when they created such a monster.  My hands have been shaking the last few days and I've been trying to keep busy doing things to distract myself.  It is as hard or harder than distracting myself from a panic attack.  At least I've been sleeping well which is good because when I don't get enough sleep I am very grumpy.  Everything sets me off and I feel terrible.  It has been extremely hard to concentrate on working.  I am finding it very difficult to focus on more than one thing at a time.  I used to be very good at multi-tasking, but now I have to really put my focus on one thing until it is finished.  I hope once I am off of these medications I can be back to myself. 

I did manage to create a video a few days ago.  It was hard, but I made it through it.  I thought it was time for people to get to know me a little better.  I know when someone emails me I always try to picture what they look like, so now people know what I look like and can possibly understand me better when I respond to them. 

Today has been pretty slow.  I really didn't get much accomplished today.  My downfall is getting on Facebook. Once I do I'm there for at least an hour reading all of the posts.  It is fun keeping in touch with people I haven't seen in a long time.  Well I think I'm going to call it a night.  Hopefully someone will join soon.

Whew!!

Birthday is over, weekend is over.  Tomorrow is Monday and I'm not ready.  Even though I work from home I feel like I can relax and take a deep breath on the weekends.  Mondays are so hard for me.  I feel like it is going to be such a long time until the weekend again that it actually causes me anxiety.  I'm really not sure why, but it has been this way for a long time.  It could have something to do with the time I was working outside my home and I was terrified that I would have a panic attack at work and have to come home.  Not a single boss I had ever understood what I was going through.  They would just brush it off and tell me to go back to work.  There were so many times I did my best to work while having a panic attack.  That was so hard.  I wanted to go home but knew I couldn't because I needed the money.  I feel so bad for those that have to work when having panic attacks, expecially when their boss could care less. 

Today has been a hard day for me.  I haven't mentioned before, but I am in the process of getting off of Klonopin.  I could write a book about that.  Doctors encourage patients to start taking benzodiazepines but they don't tell you how agonizing it is to stop taking them.  I read a couple of days ago there are over 250 withdrawal symptoms of benzodiazepines.  I have said this on the web site, if you have not started taking them.  DON'T!  It really isn't worth the temporary calm it gives you because eventually it will wear off and the panic returns.  I truly don't want to see people go through what I am going through now. 

I made a welcome video tonight. It was hard talking to a little camera, but hopefully people will watch and learn from me.  I love helping people, it is my calling in life.  I hope I can continue this forever. 
I think this is enough for today.  Goodnight and don't forget to say your prayers.